The Power of Potluck Dinners, Mahjong and Dynamic Conversations

For about 20 years, Greg Fenberg carved out a successful career as a special events caterer at Galveston’s UTMB. With a BS from the University of Houston in Hotel and Restaurant Management and an MS in Hospitality Management, this tall, blond surfer-look-alike appeared destined for culinary greatness.

“I love food,” he says with a sparkling smile, “and I love making people happy cooking for them.”

But a few years ago, Greg experienced a very tough period of personal crisis. During his recovery, he wondered if it was time for a career change.

“I talked it over with a good friend of mine and he ‘gave me permission’ to choose the path I wanted to take. My goal was to find a way to help others who are going through what I had experienced myself.”

Greg entered the University of Houston Clear Lake to study psychology and reboot his career in much the same way he was rebooting his life.

While taking classes, he studied a variety of traditional approaches to therapy and counseling, learning many things along the way. But one day, he stumbled on a book written by Harlene Anderson, PhD, founder of the Houston Galveston Institute (formerly the Galveston Family Institute) and it flipped a switch.

“Reading the book, Collaborative Therapy: Relationships and Conversations that make A Difference, was like reading my life story,” Greg explains. “I immediately connected to its perspective and was deeply touched by the author’s respectfulness.”

Turns out, Harlene was writing about a metamorphosis of her own thinking with regard to her profession as a therapist and her work in the psychiatric department at UTMB. She and several of her colleagues there, after closely exploring numerous client cases, found that collaborating with diverse groups of clients and fostering partnerships with them produced new possibilities for resolving their challenges.

This approach to therapy just made sense to Greg and appealed to him on many levels.

Consequently, after graduating with a MS in License, Marriage and Family Therapy in 2007, he was accepted into an internship program at the Houston Galveston Institute to further study this collaborative model. Following his internship, Greg joined HGI as a therapist, counseling families, couples and individuals of all ages; young men in drug and alcohol recovery; previously incarcerated individuals; families involved with CPS; and couples and their children in crisis.

“When working with clients or communities, I listen a lot. They tell me I am easy to talk to. It doesn’t take long for them to notice that I am not there to live their lives for them, or to fix their lives. I am not the expert. We discuss options; alternatives that maybe they haven’t thought of.”

Most recently, through an initial grant from the United Way of Greater Houston’s Hurricane Ike Mental Health Program, Greg was assigned to work with residents living in the communities of La Porte, Baytown, Seabrook, Webster, Kemah and the small community of Shoreacres as they recover from damage brought by Hurricane Ike.

According to Greg, many of these residents face significant challenges beyond those left by the hurricane. There was the aftermath and cleanup of Ike—flooded and storm damaged homes and property, FEMA, insurance adjusters, more rain and flooding. Numerous folks had previous or ongoing family problems they were dealing with apart from Ike—family death, sickness, divorce, job losses and more.

Greg met with two separate groups of individuals and families working through the hurricane’s aftermath.

“Quite often when people find themselves ‘in the wrath of chaos,’ their reactions become distorted. As a mental health counselor, I believe it is my first job to validate that distortion because it is their truth at that moment in time. I simply meet them as another human being. Together, we begin that process of finding a way to crawl back.”

While they may feel out of control, I let them know they are in control. And they have my permission to drop their guard and open up.”

Greg explains that he is respectful of his clients and his priority is to build a relationship of trust between them. Sometimes that demands that he share his own fears and trials.

“I don’t shy away from disclosing my personal trials with my clients if it helps them open up. But I also tell them our focus is about them, not me. I share with them how I live and how others live. Then, they are free to take that information and use it, or leave it.”

When you talk to Greg about collaborative counseling, he often refers to transforming relationships and the empowering affect of dynamic conversations.

“I meet with one group twice a month for a potluck dinner, where everyone brings a passing dish. We meet upstairs at the Houston Yacht Club. Then, we play Mahjong. I read that Mahjong teaches players to be self-reflective, and show respect and courtesy to others. No one in the group had ever played, so I taught them how. It’s a fascinating thing to witness as two distinct conversations emerge simultaneously during card play: one focused on the game and another about everyone’s rebuilding efforts.”

Greg notes that funding support of these groups will end soon. Some of the participants are ready to move on, but others are not. He is preparing to help them make the transition.

He can’t help but think about all those he has come to know over the past few months, like the 80-year-old who has been through so much devastation over the last year—losing all her close family members, rebuilding after Ike put four feet of water in her home, then rebuilding again when springtime rains filled her home once more with several feet of water. She is amazingly independent, proud and resilient—handling the money and the repairs herself, working so hard to put her life back together. She finally realized her pride had been a problem, and she needed to let others help her. That was a powerful moment for her.

Greg will think about her and those he has come to know in the communities along the Gulf Coast, and he will smile that sparkling smile. Because his thoughts will be of tasty potluck dinners, mahjong games and lively conversations that brought healing and recovery to a community still rebuilding from damage brought by a storm named Ike.

_________________________

The Houston Galveston Institute

3316 Mount Vernon • Houston, TX 77006

713-526-8390

According to HGI’s executive team, faculty, clinical associates and staff, “We live and work in a complicated, rapidly changing social, political, and economic world. This contemporary society requires that we both understand and approach these complexities in a manner that reflects these changes.

The Institute regards people as possessing the strengths and expertise to manage their personal and professional lives in a healthy productive manner. Everyone faces problems as they go through life. A problem, whether a major issue or a minor concern, can make life difficult. We work with people in a respectful, cooperative partnership model to help them access their own natural resources and competencies and to develop unique ways to address their concerns and solve their problems.

_________________________________

A Client’s Poem

Thank you for taking your time to see that I’m okay

Thank you for doing it even it’s a busy day

In my heart I can’t express the way I feel

The heartache, the pain can be overwhelming and real

So thank you is all I can say but mean it from my heart

You have been a blessing from God from the very start

This poem was written by a 37-year-old client affected by Hurricane Ike to her therapists.